This dress was meant to end up on your floor
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
