I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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