I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
