you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
