my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
