it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
