i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize