nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
