Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
