I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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