I'm drive I can fine osifer
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
