I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you had me at cake vodka
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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