I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
