All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
