No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
