Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
