He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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