Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
