yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
