were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
