This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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