the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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