My room smells like vodka and shame
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
