I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
