It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
