and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
