youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
