I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
