Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
