You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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