what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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