Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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