I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
