He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
