please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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