My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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