WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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