Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
