Sorry, I don't speak sober.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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