Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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