New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So much rum. So many feels.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
