Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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