drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
