Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
