you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
