We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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