You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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