I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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