You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
