god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
