I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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