Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
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she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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