Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
