just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
