I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You can't special order awesome
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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