hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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