I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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