i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
from now on my penis is your penis
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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