There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think my nap took me to another dimension
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
