I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
