She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
