i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
