So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
