Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
