hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
