just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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