he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need to calm my uterus...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
