but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
