The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
