Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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