I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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