If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
