He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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