i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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