Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
