You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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