i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
