Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
